Saturday, August 15, 2009

More than Sex, He needs Respect!

What does every guy want? Sex, of course! But there's more...every man wants to be respected. No man wants to feel emasculated. What can we do as women to esteem and respect our men? I think for different men, it's different things. It could be checking with them before filling their calendar. It could be asking their opinion about the kids or what color to paint the house. It could just being open to their "view" of how things should be done. Whatever it is that makes your man feel respected also makes him feel loved. When you show him that respect, it makes him feel on top of the world. It makes him feel valued. As tough as men want you to think they are, they are ultimately extremely fragile individuals. I think to some degree, women are stronger; especially when they have to be a survivor. But men, need to be stroked and loved differently; they need respect. No man wants to feel walked over. No man wants to feel talked down to or just another one of the kids. No man wants to be made to feel stupid. Do you know women who talk down to their husbands, who are critical all the time, who talk badly about their husbands behind their backs or even worse in front of them? How do you think that man feels? Lonely? Hurt? Demoralized? I'm guessing he isn't feeling on top of the world. He probably is thinking "why I am putting up with this." "If only I had a woman who loved me and respected me like everyone at work respects me." "At work, people actually think I'm a valuable player." This kind of marriage either won't last or will be a very shallow marriage as it will loose any depth to the relationship. He will shut down. He won't communicate (and every woman wants their man to communicate-to share what he is thinking or feeling). But how can he, you have made him to feel that what he thinks or feels isn't important. It's not good enough. It doesn't measure up. Why would he talk to you any longer when you have made him to feel this way?

For some women, they want the man to "step up to the plate", to "be a man", to "take charge" and yet by her critical spirit, he never has a chance. It is only when a woman is willing to take a backseat and let him lead, that she will find he CAN lead. Women, don't criticize your man! Don't emasculate him. Give him a chance to show you the kind of leader he really is. But putting him down either in private, or worse yet, in public will only feed his insecurities and his fragile nature to a point of no return. You will be risking the longevity of your marriage if you are critical.

Next time you want to criticize, bite your tongue. Let him lead. If he messes up, he will know it. You don't have to let him and the whole world know about it. Chances are, if you give him a chance to lead, he will not want to fail you. He will take that role very seriously. They want you to be proud of them. They want to measure up to you. Men want you to think they are tough, and you should let them think they are. But remember on the inside, you as their wife, are the ones who can wound them the most. Their pride, their ego are in your control. More than sex, he needs your respect! "Men: Handle with Care!"

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